Keep Your Browsing History Secure With These Simple Tips

Even the word ‘browsing’ sounds somewhat sinister, don’t you think? I am not buying Honey, just browsing. Browsing that big breasted brunette with her legs so wide open she could snatch my soul. Browsing that fake blonde ladyboy with the biggest dick I have ever seen on a chick. Browsing the Internet for some relief from my piss boring life in the suburbs with you, Honey. Not cruising for a bruising, but browsing for an arousing moment or two. But keeping that secret from you, of course, because I am at heart a normal well adjusted guy.

Keep Your Browsing History Secure With These Simple Tips

In the old days, men would keep their wank mags in their backyard sheds, where they were supposed to be fixing things and making stuff. They were, of course, fixing their distinct lack of coitus with their hand, and making themselves cum with some petroleum based lubricant. Woodwork and metalwork skills come in handy when you truly need them. Today, everything is on your computer, so you need new ways of hiding things from ‘she who controls your life’. Browse your favourite site discreetly or you might be for the chop, old son.

I like to imagine that I am Tom Cruise in Missionary (position) Impossible, but in reality I am a lot taller than Tom. It is absolutely vital that the sticky information at the crux of the story is kept hidden and secret. The arch villain, my wife, must never know what files Tom has accessed in his bid to relieve the semen trapped within the submarine. Clearing my browser history from the beginning of time (even before my wife and I were born?) every time I view those compromising files is paramount if I am to remain unsuspected. Secret intelligence is a very male thing, we are holders of information, that if it was to get out into the general populace could undermine the values that we hold most dear.

Training yourself to clear your browsing history after every session, along with the sticky tissues and lubricant, must become a deeply ingrained habit. It must be like eating and sleeping, talking and walking, automatic and second nature if you are to escape unscathed from vitriolic abuse and the possible end of your marriage. Understanding the incredible odds that you are up against in your bid to release those brave fellows from your engorged vessel is all part of the achievement. When Tom is up against it, he rubs his way to liberation, usually in an explosive ejaculation of considerable force. We salute you Mister Cruise!